Hey all, I'm new! Was looking for some kind of poly support group since I'm also new to polyamory.

Gonna ask the obvious, what's your best advice for getting used to a new meta. My gf and I have been together 9 months. I had an additional partner (which is over now so it's just her). I've never had to share her before and she just took on a new partner a month ago. We're at an awkward stage of security in the relationship and my anxiety is hella flaring up.

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@Maggieb
Welcome!

The best advise I can share is to 1: stop thinking of it as "sharing" and 2: stay occupied when your partner is out an you are not. Social events, gym, friends, work, hobbies, hell even an immersive video game. That way you don't dwell and start an emotional feedback loop (yeah I've been guilty of that).

And hey, you're not alone :hug:

@Jerrik thanks! Ya I kept myself busy all weekend. Honestly the second I was alone though attachment anxiety stuff would start to flare up. How do you change the mindset so it's not viewed as "sharing". Also by sharing I meant spread out time and attention that I'm used to getting to myself.

@Maggieb
I don't know you well yet, but I can tell you my story of a similar hardship.

I used to use the term "sharing" and thought the same way, that I was using it to describe time, but I was actually using it to describe a level of attention I thought I was losing out on. The difference is hardly noticable, but when I look back on it I realize I had become cognitively codependent, I had a hard time describing myself as an individual.

@Maggieb
Intentionally creating distance in general while still holding outo the most important pieces is how I overcame this type of jealousy. It wasn't easy, but lots of communication and focusing on the most important parts of our relationship allowed me to grow and our bond to solidify into something better.

I had to become a complete, stand alone individual before I could stop feeling alone when my partner left for another. Been maried a decade now, and we've never been happier.

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