Just had the most epic facepalm-date ever.
Came to see her for a drink after talking for 2 days non-stop. She's all cheeky and cute thinks I'm a liar and afraid of commitment (which is why I lie) when my profile said non-monogamous first line.
She said she didn't like to share but that was it. Never asked me about my apartment or my situation etc. I get it that i could be more clear... But seriously? Came cross town and she's all jaw to the floor "think you should go". Wow.
I didn't want to rub my partners in her face, I usually don't bring partners up unless people ask about them ( and even then, it's private) because I'm dating for myself, it's not about them.
But I guess saying "non-monogamous" is not good enough. I need to provide a link to poly on Wikipedia, and ask 3 times if they are ok with poly like it's done sort of a medical condition. Disgusting.
@JoshRollins Wow, I'm sorry you had such an upsetting date. My husband has gone on a few of those and its really unfortunate. It's painful to be made to feel small, or unworthy, or slimy.
I know you've been fighting the good fight for a while. I wanted to ask - you said that you lie. Do you lie on your profile or when messaging prior to meeting up? You said your profile says non-monogamy. Do you ever bring up non-monogamy when messaging prior to meeting?
@poly_pockets did I say that I lie? Where, maybe a typo...? I was exhausted and on the bus when typing. I'm going to look it over.
She said I'm a liar as a tease (sounds bad but it wasn't). I thought she means my religious practice and what she thought I'm lying about was my non-monogamy. I Wrote about it in length this morning here: https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/d5ey53/a_big_misunderstanding_or_why_you_want_to_be/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
(It explains better)
To your question... I say I'm non-monogamous. It usually comes up when dating, or I bring it up myself.
@poly_pockets so yes, non monogamy always comes up before dating usually, as it did here - she just thought I'm lying about it :/
@poly_pockets ah I see. No, the "which is why I lie" was meant from her perspective. She thought I was lying because I'm scared of commitment.
@JoshRollins even with some friends I've hit the topic of polyamory with multiple times, it seems like the concept of transparently loving multiple people without threatening existing relationships is just inconceivable. It's always still cheating.
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