@poly_pockets there is progress though. The connections are deeper. The period I talk to people I meet is longer and more meaningful. I feel I'm growing myself in my passion and creativity and as a result have more to offer and happy with ba wider spectrum of things.

But you know... Patience on top of patience.. and it's not like I'm a 20 year old anymore at a college.

Thanks so much again for hearing me out. Hope things are well on your end.

@poly_pockets there's the other woman (I spoke about her earlier, one who has a monogamous background) who is also, kind of, still in the picture.

Every other project in my life is in my control. I work with computers and I know that if I want to do X, I need to learn X and then practice X and finally have X. With my dates... I put energy into X, get some X, and it transforms into Y (or just fizzles away) and it's immensely frustrating because I need X.

@poly_pockets @poly_pockets thank so much for the thoughtful reply!

You're right, I do get upset, especially at start. Rejection is a big deal for me for an early age, there are some psychological /childhood stuff probably on top of always being the shy lonely geek in the corner, always picked last for a game in PE class, all that stuff.

She apologized and opened up a bit more, told me what's going on. I'm not upset but I doubt I'm going to treat her with the same openness.

Of course, there was another guy. She said something to him that she's worried upset him yesterday, she says. She's in a weird headspace that she's been for a week.

I'm not upset over other guy, but I am upset that there's no explanation given to disappearance, not even "I'm overwhelmed right now." I'm upset that I opened myself up and told her things, and so did she, just to stop talking. We were supposed to meet tomorrow.

I'm tired of unstable girls who can't communicate. She's 42.

(3/3)

Things are good, I tell her about some of my life, she tells me of hers. I aim to make the conversation deeper because as fun as teasing is, it's just teasing. She's cool with it, telling me her fears, her situation, about her job, her dog, sounds good...

she goes on a trip @UK. we text less, then things stop. I wait a couple of days, she gets back to me after a few days of radio silence. She's been back for a week.

(2/3)

I am reminded, again, that most women who reach out to me on OKC are looking for something quick and sexual, not a relationship (even if their profile says the opposite).

Someone's who found me online started chatting with me a couple of weeks ago. She's a bit far, but seemed cool. She was into being independent without having a full relationship, as she called it, she wanted her space. I'm busy and have partners, so sure.

few days in and it's anything but sexting. We tease each other. (1/2)

@poly_pockets The word polyamory is so loaded I actually prefer to be called non-monogamist. I feel that it's more about having the freedom (yours and others) to do what you want as a mature consenting adult.

Society tells us to get married and have kids like a mantra, especially for women who's on a time mission before time's out, the hell with consequences at times.

What is something that isn't? How do you define everything else from an angle of someone who can see only one thing?

@poly_pockets I don't know if it's a resolution, more like something I've been working on: what is it that I want? Why is it so hard to get(probably because I don't know what I want)? Where are all the good people at...

I want to be better at expressing myself. I've picked up on photography a great deal, some writing, and largely my craving for kink again - which is a whole thing. I want people to know and approach if they have similar interests.

@poly_pockets Comfortable... No. But we all have to work outside of our comfort zones sometimes. If I stay scared I'd never see anyone at this rate.

Met someone about 2 months ago (wow been that long...)

She has qualities I haven't seen in a long time. She's an adult, for one, not a snowflake 30 year-old child. Into BDSM (something I do) in a positive way. Smart and artistic, which is important. Physically attractive, and enthusiastic. And she likes me.

But she's on a "phase" of being open. Eventually she wants to be exclusive with someone. I don't know how much of a fact this is.I just want her to keep an open mind.

This will be bad.

@Jerrik do you ever come to the nyc area? I'm having a thought. How are things anyway

@poly_pockets @Jerrik an app is a tall call (I think). It's a word of mouth thing... And I like you guys, there's substance to the talks. The Reddit feels too shallow sometimes

@poly_pockets @Jerrik also, the other mastodon I'm on, technology.mastodon, mirrors my images. Need to do this here.

@poly_pockets @Jerrik ok how do i make this app alert me evey time you guys post something?

Some approved hashtags: and . Learn a new thing every day....

@poly_pockets ah I see. No, the "which is why I lie" was meant from her perspective. She thought I was lying because I'm scared of commitment.

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