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Really grateful for this space to vent. I only have one real life poly person to talk to. I feel very much alone some days and like there's something wrong with me for wanting something different.

@MsMcLuxe You aren't alone, and there's nothing wrong with you for wanting something outside the mainstream. :IH: :hug:

@Jerrik
Logically I know that. I still just HURT all the time for not knowing how to navigate these waters. And I feel selfish. I'm acting as respectfully as I know how to. Communicating all the time. Not crossing lines. Not apologizing for how I feel, because I can't help that. But really wishing either I'd realized I was poly before getting married, or that I could just be mono and be happy about it.

@MsMcLuxe I wish I could give you the answer, but I know there isn't a solution that I can package up and ship to you with a little bow on top.

It sounds like you are doing what you can, and sometimes that's all you can do. Maybe time and slow progress will help, but there's no way to see where life goes until you get there. I think we've all had to face a similar situation at some point, some of us more complicated than others, so there's no way to know where it goes. You're not alone :hug:

@Jerrik Thanks for the ear. Nice to know there are folks who understand.

@MsMcLuxe
Life is messy, but it sounds like you're handling this with honesty and respect. Maybe your husband's understanding and acceptance will come with time. :IH:

@MsMcLuxe thanks for sharing.

First off, there's definitely nothing wrong with you for wanting something different. We're all different people.

It's not easy when your needs are different than your partner(s) poly or not. I have some experience with this myself for example. To me, this is one of the reasons why being poly is such a great thing: you can find someone who feels the same way you do, and truly love them for that (and them you).

@MsMcLuxe sounds like you have the right idea, and what you need (I know it's hard...) is patience. both for you and your husband. People who are looking for what you're after exist, and you took the first steps to meet these people.

Just be open with your husband, and see if you can work something out. Sounds like you'd be better off dating people for a while and see how things click before taking anything further. Sounds very reasonable to me!

goodluck :)

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