Of course, there was another guy. She said something to him that she's worried upset him yesterday, she says. She's in a weird headspace that she's been for a week.

I'm not upset over other guy, but I am upset that there's no explanation given to disappearance, not even "I'm overwhelmed right now." I'm upset that I opened myself up and told her things, and so did she, just to stop talking. We were supposed to meet tomorrow.

I'm tired of unstable girls who can't communicate. She's 42.



You sound really upset, I'm sorry you were let down so badly. Had you guys seen each other at all or did she end up ghosting before date 1?

I only ask because it seems like things like this - miscommunications early in the building of a potential relationship - seem to spin you out super intensely (I'm inferring from this and a couple other of your posts). (Cont'd below)


That must suck, I know these kind of messy mixups/fade outs happen frequently early on. Most of my online connections end this way, and maybe only 2 have worked out in any longer term way - and that's over years of online dating. People are messy, and it seems really painful for you to go emotionally all in so quickly. I hope you read this as coming from a place of compassion. (Cont'd below)



Rejection in any form is universally uncomfortable and it seems especially destabilizing when you are putting so much of your own happiness on the line. For your sake, I hope you can find a way to be vulnerable enough to find what you're looking for without continually bearing such deep and painful scars from early rejection.


And lastly, as an add on, I'm glad she showed you who she was before you invested any more of yourself in the relationship. People suck, rejection hurts, and also you dodged a bullet. I hope you've allowed yourself as much self-care as you need to help build you back up.

@poly_pockets @poly_pockets thank so much for the thoughtful reply!

You're right, I do get upset, especially at start. Rejection is a big deal for me for an early age, there are some psychological /childhood stuff probably on top of always being the shy lonely geek in the corner, always picked last for a game in PE class, all that stuff.

She apologized and opened up a bit more, told me what's going on. I'm not upset but I doubt I'm going to treat her with the same openness.

@poly_pockets there's the other woman (I spoke about her earlier, one who has a monogamous background) who is also, kind of, still in the picture.

Every other project in my life is in my control. I work with computers and I know that if I want to do X, I need to learn X and then practice X and finally have X. With my dates... I put energy into X, get some X, and it transforms into Y (or just fizzles away) and it's immensely frustrating because I need X.

@poly_pockets there is progress though. The connections are deeper. The period I talk to people I meet is longer and more meaningful. I feel I'm growing myself in my passion and creativity and as a result have more to offer and happy with ba wider spectrum of things.

But you know... Patience on top of patience.. and it's not like I'm a 20 year old anymore at a college.

Thanks so much again for hearing me out. Hope things are well on your end.

Sign in to participate in the conversation

The social network of the future: No ads, no corporate surveillance, ethical design, and decentralization! Own your data with Mastodon!