Happy new year all of you!

It's a small thing, and a vital thing to be able to share things with a group of people that gets what you are saying and asking for.

@poly_pockets I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you!

How are you now?

We (me and that ex) had an evening of drumming together this past week on her new drumset.

First time I was in her place since the breakup. It was hard. We are still dear friends, and this is good.

@JoshRollins this weekend was hanging with the kids weekend.

And expanding my "to-read" list of books, and not reading almost anything I'm currently reading.

Weekends with kids are weird like that.

@JoshRollins thank you. I'm doing ok. Lots of processing later.

A companion broke up with me tonight.

She could not process the idea of me having a sexual partner that is not her.

Even though she's known me for years, and she's known me as poly for all those years.

I'm glad she made a choice that is good for her.
I'm sad that we can't have what he had.
I'm mad that I opened myself up for this hurt.
I'm afraid that this will happen again.
I'm mad at the mainly monogamous mainstream malarky.
I am tired.

Patti Smith describes such a beautiful polycule in her book "Just Kids".

And in general, a new favourite audiobook of mine. She reads it, and the authenticity works for me.

@JoshRollins I use jblevins.org/projects/deft and github.com/shawnohare/hugo-tuf to publish my incomplete thoughts.

(also, org-mode and ox-jekyll-subtree.el for conversations that I capture and publish on a different site)

... if ever you are in South Africa, would love to buy you a drink :-D

@JoshRollins in an environment that's quite christian and conservative - I found a gay buddhist therapist.

... who could not get beyond his frame of "the libido connects to one only".

Had this argument every second session until it wasn't fun anymore.

@poly_pockets @kalliope ah, the words we use:

I've been using "companion" for the people "in my intimate circle".

I like it, because it means "one with whom I break bread with". And a company, was originally "a group of people who break bread together".

"Partner" to me means "long term agreements". Ironically, the ex-wife and I are great partners now in terms of raising the kids.

A companion can be a partner too, and that comes with discussion.

@JoshRollins this not needing to explain, is big for me.

My current therapist is the best I've had on this. And they still require me to explain/validate more than I expect mono/vanilla would need to. It's tiring.

@l21bddd I don't handle it well. And I handle it better now, after I've learned that it is not me. It is just how she is.

In my case it is zero contact, for months.

We take our growth where we can 😶

Poly things:

A "comet" is back in my orbit. She has this habit of getting into an intense dance with me, then leaving for months. This has been going on for 3 years.

Then, I'm visiting my longish-distance companion this long-weekend. Lots of walking in woods planned.

The in-town companion and I are doing salsa classes from next week.

Poly life is satisfying right now 😃

@JoshRollins goodreads.com/book/show/352397 I've read twice, in succession. It agrees with many of my beliefs, then challenges a view of them quite a lot.

And enjoying One Hundred Years of Solitude right now.

@JoshRollins I have stopped, a year or two ago.

Also for myself set an intent to not be physical with anyone new I meet, for at least 6 months - to see if there's a connection/friendship beyond "warm and fuzzy" feelings.

I enjoy this slow regard for another. It breathes easier for me.

@l21bddd @JoshRollins this was a sincere conversation.

The person never heard of poly before, learned about it via a mutual friend (that I also introduced to the concept), and they wanted to know more.

A complete newbie, with lots of interest 😃

@Padme same as mono dating I assume? 😊

My kids eventually meet my partners, in a no-big-deal kind of way.

Some partners want to hang more with the kids, others less.

How do you have a conversation with the poly curious?

I just had a conversation with someone who has discovered the poly possibility, and wanted to know more about it.

I suggested Designer Relationships to them (goodreads.com/book/show/244029)

To me, investigating what kind of relationship works for you, seems to be more important than jumping head first into More than Two.

@JoshRollins I find that quite epic.

org-mode was my gateway drug to Emacs. I use it less that I want to.

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